Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Prof Blackstone,
My name is Muhammad Syafiq Bin Salleh and I am writing this
email to give a brief introduction about my educational background and
professional interest in engineering. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with
a diploma in mechatronics engineering. Currently, I am pursuing my degree in
mechanical engineering offered by the Singapore Institute of Technology and attending
your effective communication class.
My strength in communication is that I enjoy socialising
with new people. It helps to broaden my perspective of the world when we share
our experiences so that I do not get caught up with only the things I already
know. In a way, I will improve my general knowledge and at the same time have
more topics to talk about when I meet another stranger. A weakness that I
strongly agree with is that I have difficulties composing myself whenever I am
doing public speaking. I will overthink the contents that I am about to share
thus losing concentration and resulting in me stuttering throughout my speech
as I try to recall the things I have to say. At times, I may over-explain
myself and side-track from the focused topic.
One of the takebacks I wish to achieve from this module is
the ability to give a good speech where my audiences get enlightened on the
topic I am conveying. This is to not make them feel like they are being forced
into listening to me. Another skill that I wish to gain is knowing how to expand
conversations. Learning how to keep conversations rolling rather than leaving
it hanging. More importantly, to overcome my weakness when it comes to
presentations where I find it difficult for me to convey messages to my
audiences.
I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this
letter.
Sincerely,
Syafiq
Dear Syafiq,
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for this letter of intro. It's clear, concise and yet fairly robust in the information you provide. I'm especially impressed in the detail you provide as you discuss your comm skills weakness and strength. You probably could add more info on how you developed an interest in engineering.
In terms of language use, there are a few items to take note of:
1. words/phrasing
-- A weakness that I strongly agree ... > (Do you need to agree?)
-- my audiences > my audience members OR people who attend my presentations
2. sentence structure
-- Learning how to keep conversations rolling rather than leaving it hanging. > (fragment)
-- More importantly, to overcome my weakness when it comes to presentations where I find it difficult for me to convey messages to my audiences. > (fragment)
Overall you show good fluency, but you can revise for the items mentioned above.
I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Cheers,
Brad
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey Syafiq,
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised that no one else from your blogging group has commented on your post.
Where's the team effort?
Cheers,
Brad